Young Writers Society

I'm sorry, but I didn't like this piece too much. It was very cliche and lacked the emotion I assume you're trying to convey. Keep working hard, though. You have great potential!

Hey high maria! Well, first of all, welcome to YWS. You probably don't know this, but you're supposed to review three works before submitting your own (this makes sure everyone gets reviews). but don't worry, you probably didn't know. I'm Caitlin, feel free to PM (private message) me any time you want, for anything.
now, on to the story.
I think that your first sentence can be split in two, like this:
'Today is the day of total emptiness in my heart. My soul is far away from this time and this place, somewhere by the sea.' That makes your words more powerful.
You do the same thing a little later, and you can change those sentences to:
'I have only body, only body and mind. At least I can feel my heart banging inside showing that I am still alive.' Again, the reader mentally pauses at the period to take in what you've said, and that makes is more powerful. this is not to say that you shouldn't use sentences with commas and dashes and whatever--I do so all the time. It's just in those cases it seems better with a period.
I definitely like the way you give us a rhetorical question. that really provokes thought, which I assume it was meant to do,and it adds depth and personality to htis passage.
A last note on the nit picking: I wouldn't put exclamations at the end of your last two sentences, because that gives it a cheerful tone that varies from the solemnness (is that a word?) of the rest of this work.
Overall: I like this. It's deep and makes people think, and also brings up questions about why her soul is gone, and why it's at sea. You have room to expand on this, which is always good. You're definitely talented, so keep it up! PS: don't forget to review other people's work. if you don't have anyone to review, u can check out my story, but it doesn't matter. Welcome to YWS!